rock-E the Mascot
Hey everybody - I'm rock-E the Mascot!
I was born a few thousand years ago near Boulder, Colorado (haha yes I've heard the jokes). My birth name is actually Darrell but Chris thought rock-E would work better with the whole Box of Rocks thing. Which I'm cool with.
Anyways I had a pretty good childhood. I didn't see my dad a lot because he traveled for work but when he was around he tried to keep the yelling to a minimum. My mom was a saint and she did her best despite raising 600 rock kids basically as a single parent. When I turned 18 I wanted to go to college but I got turned down by Rockford U. and a few other schools so I decided to join the military. I didn't really want to take on all that student debt anyways. But before I joined the military I cruised around the country with some friends. We were really into the Rolling Stones so we followed their tour around for a while. Then one night I got way too hammered, climbed some scaffolding on the side of the stage and fell 20 ft. I ended up in the hospital for a week. When I got out I told myself I would get my life together and join the army like I had planned. But then Vegas called my name.
Gambling is an addiction. I know that now, anyways. I stopped in Vegas on my way home, got a scotch on the rocks and started playing black jack. Two years later I was strung out on heroin letting 20-something investment bankers throw me in the air for their "who can throw the rock the highest" contests just so I could make enough to keep gambling. I was $40 grand in debt when I hit rock bottom. I was a regular part of Jerry Ferrara's crew (the guy that plays Turtle on Entourage) those days because I always had the hookup - weed, acid, meth - you name it. One day we were at the pool party at the Hard Rock when Jerry started screaming at me claiming I had curved the brim of his hat, saying "everbody knows that Turtle's hats have a flat brim!". I had no idea what he was talking about, because I definitely knew that Turtle man liked his brims mad straight. Anywho so fists started flying. Then this guy jumps in to break things up. It was Chris Duggan. He backed me up, told Turtle that he'd cover me, and he went and got Turtle a new flat brimmed hat. Chris said I should bounce with him. To cool off we went for a drive in his Pontiac Aztec. He said if I promised to stay clean that he'd let me be the mascot for his new startup, which apparently was going to change the world and, if I'm not mistaken, he said would "make Google look like a children's toy that poisoned animals". I didn't really understand but I said yes. Two years later I'm 712 days sober, I'm doing Crossfit and I'd give myself a B+ for sticking to the Paleo diet. All is well.
I'm just happy to be the Mascot for Box of Rocks, because anything is better than being addicted to heroin and gambling and having to tell Jerry Ferrara "no doubt bro!" when he insists, daily, that Turtle gets more chicks than Vince.
- rock-E the Mascot